I go in and out of feeling in tune with myself and my surroundings. Sometimes the haze clouding my thoughts only lasts for a short while, but before recently, my mind seemed to never be clear.
Because of this haze, I lack motivation, energy, focus, and consequently, productivity.
The culprit? Anxiety.
I have come to the conclusion this feeling is a direct consequence of my inability to answer a few ambiguous questions:
- What is to come?
- What should I be doing?
- What do I feel regret for not doing?
When trying to find the answers, my mind is everywhere, except the present moment.
Sometimes, I’m self-aware of my mental distance from the “now”; but sometimes, returning to focus seemed impossible.
The reason for my helplessness? I was not in control of shaping my reality. I was letting possibility shape it.
Recently, I had a realization.
Through self reflection and introspection, I developed a perspective. This perspective allows calmness, despite ambiguity.
The below perspective has translated into an embodied understanding of how to think when facing the questions that make me anxious:
I must be confident that I am living my life to the fullest
I must wholly accept that life is long, and have faith that things will work out for me; because I understand that despite current unpleasantries, there are a lot of things to come in my life
I must believe that my abilities are acceptable, and so long as I confidently put forth effort and meaningful energy, I can be content with my time spent
I must accept that the world is an abundant source of energy, and that if I desire to attract and personally radiate positive energy and love, my experience will be one of positive energy and love
Where I came from:
I wasted a lot of time and mental energy when I occupied my mind with expectations and the possible outcomes.
I hoped and feared future experiences rather than letting those experiences come naturally as a result of my present decision making.
I didn’t make progress accomplishing projects and tasks. I was letting myself feel defeated by the work. I viewed it as an insurmountable challenge, instead of an opportunity.
With my new perspective:
- I am content with my present.
- I feel comfortable focusing on each experience as they come.
- I understand that I will trip on my first, if I’m thinking about my second.